It is Well

*sigh* When peace like a river attendeth my way when sorrows like sea billows roll whatever my....this song means a lot to me quite frankly one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard, its funny the year I heard it, was a horrid year (ironic yeah) it was that year when Stella Obasanjo and all those Loyola students died (God rest their souls) sad year, it was rendered by Chuto a girl in my school that year she had lost someone in the crash, and when she sang it I could tell it was from the depth of her soul. That year I remember I sat there in my seat crying and at the same time trying to be hard... You see death is something we just can't deal with I mean we lose people every day one would think it would get easier, hell we hope it would get easier but I just doesn't you still feel the pang, the silence the pain of where they used to be in your heart now silent lost forever.... You want to say don't go I still need you but there's just not the time you see, one minute they're there and the next they're gone *poof* just like that away from our lives our point of sight we can't pick up the phone and dial and expect them to pick but they don't cause they're gone...
   Don't go please we'd want to shout but they don't hear us anymore every one says you have to be strong it will get better one day and I'm like fuck this don't patronise me I'm fucking tired of being strong, and it never gets better we just learn to suppress it, don't you tell me it was destiny, let me rage at the world it won't make me better but I won't keep it within and let it fester, I want to even rage at God its hard really hard at those times you wonder why?? But I loved them you get that confused look on you face why did they have to go you try to understand you keep chanting to yourself "it was Gods will they're in a better place" you feel if you say it long enough you will believe it but goddamn its sa freaking hard...I can't stop crying you wanna ask God why did she have to lose her dad a day before her birthday where's the fairness there...I'm typing then the notice comes up its her birthday but he aint here to see he will never see her grow into a young woman he will never see her kids, there'll always b that stigmata I lost my dad the day before my birthday I'm trying to wipe my tears but as I type they increase, its like I've kept it all inside all this while but to be honest I'm scared, I wish it were because I was scared to die that's not it at all, I think of my family my friends I don't think I'll be able to deal if I lost even the farthest from close I just want them to be there jeez I wish I could care less I just can't then I pause and the song starts playing in my head again, I'm trying to stop crying but I guess I've reached my threshold I just can't hold it in anymore I'm trying to banish the song from my head its not well I tell myself....DON'T GO....I forgot to say I love you....:( its too late....I LOVE YOU yes you, even you there and you reading this....this is from my heart no editing no corrections just plain me....I'll miss you forever and a day more Rest in peace....in as much as it hurts God is always there to pick the broken pieces and there's always someone who cares it dawns on me I'm truly blessed and then I realize in every situation he's there with me and with you yes you.... and that brings me peace it has truly taught me to say it is well...IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL......cos it really is.